So I don't really know where to start with this one, I just have a lot of things to say and get out right now, so here it goes.
So a couple of weeks ago I realized that it has been one year since Village on a diet was here doing the follow up of the town. I started thinking about how life has changed for me over the course of the year. Well, I was pregnant for most of it! Little Grace is 12 weeks old today. I was thinking about where I am now compared to where I was then. I'm not just talking physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. I can honestly say wholeheartedly that I was in a better place then. Everything was at it's highest then. My health, confidence, just everything. It was kinda of shocking when I actually sat down to think about it. Really, where did I lose myself along the way. I figured it out.
I didn't take enough time with myself, my new self, before making the decision to have another child. Don't take this the wrong way. I love both of my children and feel truly blessed to be their mother. I'm speaking from a sense of self. I went from having tonnes of energy for working out to barely having enough to make it through the day. Normal first trimester. To top off how I was feeling, I set unrealistic goals for myself. I told myself that I wasn't going to gain more then 10-15 lbs. I was doing really well in the first trimester. Only gained 3 lbs. As the pregnancy was progressing though, I started getting strange pains. Normal pains, but it was hard to work out with these pains. Almost like a stitch in your side where you can't stand up properly. I made a decision at that point that I would just walk and stop going to boot-camp. It was soon after that where I started giving into my cravings more, not going crazy, but more so then I had originally planned. It seemed at that point, the weight just piled on. Everyone would say "It's okay, you're pregnant, you're allowed." I accepted that, deep down I knew that it wasn't ok. I was on an amazing journey. At that point I felt that I got off the train for a second and it left with out me. I know that sounds corny, but that's the best way to describe it. I am an emotional eater. I felt entitled to have what I wanted when I wanted it. I'm 1 day, 5 days, 8 days over due, I'm going to have cake and chips because I'm pissed. That was how I felt. I'm not proud of that. Like I said earlier, I lost myself along the way. It's a really sad thing when you realize it. I stepped on the scale the day before I gave birth to my daughter (10 day's over due) and I was 240 lbs. I cried, I really did. I had gotten down to 187 and I had let myself go...again. After giving birth, I was down to 225, then down to 220. My eating had gotten way off track. Frozen pizza's were back, kraft dinner was back. I also had a new nemesis...chocolate. I was having a MR Big bar at least 3 times a week. I had gone back to mindless eating. For what? So I could feel happy for a moment. Is that really happiness though? Really? It's not. I felt like a part of me was gone, and food was my temporary filler. You know what is so bad about eating that way? You feel worse about yourself. You feel drained. It had been so long since I had that fire in me and passion, I forgot how it felt.
My passion is back. My passion for life, for my family, for my health. It's all back. It took me being so honest with myself for that to happen. I had to stop hating myself, and being down on myself for losing that part of me I so desperately wanted back. I know it's not coming back on it's own. I have to earn it and work for it. When you get a taste of how your life can be when you are healthy and happy it is so worth the work. I am on a new journey now. I am a new person with new goals and I am so excited for life and the challenges it will bring. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I will be posting monthly blogs with my progress. Thanks everyone for your support and inspiration =)
Wednesday 30 November 2011
Thursday 20 October 2011
New Outlook
Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I wrote a blog! I guess I can always check it out, but I know it's been a while!
Well, first, I would like to start off by saying George, Kayla and myself welcomed a little girl into our family on September 7th =) We named her Grace, and she arrived on Grandma's birthday! My due date was August 28th, so it was a long 10 days. So happy she is here!
So I must say, and two years ago you would NEVER have heard me say this...but I REALLY missed working out. I know there are many women who work out all through their pregnancies, but I found for me, it was a challenge. When I started working out with Mike and Garfield, I learned to push past the limits I set for myself. When I was pregnant, I worked out and did boot-camp until about 20 weeks, then I was not able to work out the way I wanted to. I really had to keep telling myself that it's not because I'm weak, it's because I am doing what is best for baby. I know it sounds strange, but because I had only just started to find myself, and then getting pregnant right away, I had to put a hold on some things.
So, about a week and a half ago, I did something that gave me an amazing boost to my confidence and my journey. We had gone for a family walk in town, and did some grocery shopping. On the way home, the sun was shining, and I looked over at "The Hill". I said to George.."You know, today would be a nice day to climb the hill." He looked over at me and said "do you want me to take you over there now?"....I thought about it and said "Sure! Why not!" lol So there I was, no water and no workout gear lol. Just my camera. So as I was starting up the hill, a lot of memories were coming back to me. Remembering the first time I set foot and started up the hill. There comes a point on the hill, probably a quarter of the way up, where all of a sudden you start to feel it in your legs. I knew it was about that point on my first climb where I was set to turn around. That memory is so vivid. We had the support of the town then, and I had Garfield holding my hand. This time, it was just me up there...and there was no turning back. I think I took a picture though lol. So up and up I went, not making it a race, but making sure I made it. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. My legs were burning, but I knew I had to keep going. I felt that if I didn't make it up, then that would be the start of me going backwards, straight to who I used to be. I started talking to myself out loud "every step forward is one step I'm not falling back." After what felt like a long time, I got to the top of the hill. To me, it wasn't just a hill. I needed to prove to myself that I still have what it takes to reach my goals, and that I'm not ever going to give up on myself like I have in the past.
So when I got to the bottom of the hill I said to George, "I feel Great! Ready for boot-camp!" So that week I bought my punch pass and headed to boot-camp on Thursday. I was so nervous! Made it through and pushed myself as hard as I could. Laurie holds kick butt boot-camps! So happy to be back!
The excitement of my week continued!We received a call from Curtis Rogers inviting us to check out the gym that Friday night! I haven't been in many gyms, but this gym is amazing! As soon as we walked in, we felt like we were at a resort! It really is beautiful, and if you get the chance, you should really check it out. I will be getting my membership soon! I have so much more I want to say, but it will have to wait until next time!
Well, first, I would like to start off by saying George, Kayla and myself welcomed a little girl into our family on September 7th =) We named her Grace, and she arrived on Grandma's birthday! My due date was August 28th, so it was a long 10 days. So happy she is here!
So I must say, and two years ago you would NEVER have heard me say this...but I REALLY missed working out. I know there are many women who work out all through their pregnancies, but I found for me, it was a challenge. When I started working out with Mike and Garfield, I learned to push past the limits I set for myself. When I was pregnant, I worked out and did boot-camp until about 20 weeks, then I was not able to work out the way I wanted to. I really had to keep telling myself that it's not because I'm weak, it's because I am doing what is best for baby. I know it sounds strange, but because I had only just started to find myself, and then getting pregnant right away, I had to put a hold on some things.
So, about a week and a half ago, I did something that gave me an amazing boost to my confidence and my journey. We had gone for a family walk in town, and did some grocery shopping. On the way home, the sun was shining, and I looked over at "The Hill". I said to George.."You know, today would be a nice day to climb the hill." He looked over at me and said "do you want me to take you over there now?"....I thought about it and said "Sure! Why not!" lol So there I was, no water and no workout gear lol. Just my camera. So as I was starting up the hill, a lot of memories were coming back to me. Remembering the first time I set foot and started up the hill. There comes a point on the hill, probably a quarter of the way up, where all of a sudden you start to feel it in your legs. I knew it was about that point on my first climb where I was set to turn around. That memory is so vivid. We had the support of the town then, and I had Garfield holding my hand. This time, it was just me up there...and there was no turning back. I think I took a picture though lol. So up and up I went, not making it a race, but making sure I made it. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. My legs were burning, but I knew I had to keep going. I felt that if I didn't make it up, then that would be the start of me going backwards, straight to who I used to be. I started talking to myself out loud "every step forward is one step I'm not falling back." After what felt like a long time, I got to the top of the hill. To me, it wasn't just a hill. I needed to prove to myself that I still have what it takes to reach my goals, and that I'm not ever going to give up on myself like I have in the past.
So when I got to the bottom of the hill I said to George, "I feel Great! Ready for boot-camp!" So that week I bought my punch pass and headed to boot-camp on Thursday. I was so nervous! Made it through and pushed myself as hard as I could. Laurie holds kick butt boot-camps! So happy to be back!
The excitement of my week continued!We received a call from Curtis Rogers inviting us to check out the gym that Friday night! I haven't been in many gyms, but this gym is amazing! As soon as we walked in, we felt like we were at a resort! It really is beautiful, and if you get the chance, you should really check it out. I will be getting my membership soon! I have so much more I want to say, but it will have to wait until next time!
Thursday 19 May 2011
Believe nothing of what you hear, and half of what you see!
Okay, so I'm not really sure where to begin with this blog. I have many things on my mind at the moment, so this is going to be a long one lol. If you fall asleep, seriously, I will not be offended. Just need to say a lot of things right now.
First off, I want to start off by talking about life. Where I am now, compared to where I was a year ago. This time last year, I had the pleasure of meeting some really important people. People who have impacted my life more then I think they realize. They have a very special place in my heart, and I love them dearly. I just want to say thank you, because even though it's been a year, you are all still having such a positive impact on my life. I will forever be great full.
I have recently started taking my little girl to pre-school. She loves it and actually cried today when it was time to go home. What is great for me though, is spending time talking to the other moms. That is something that I would never have felt comfortable doing before. For mothers day, we went to the Mothers day breakfast at the fire hall. I gotta say, not only can those fire fighters make an awesome calendar, they are also great cooks!! It was so nice to catch up with people. George is doing great with his cycling. I'm the timer for the Sunday races! Next year I'm going to join the bike club and participate in the duathlon! Ultimately I would love to do sprints, my swimming still needs work, so cycling and running will be a good start I think =)
So those of you who have watched Village on a diet know exactly where I was a year ago. I was a very sad individual, who really didn't think much of herself, or think that she really didn't have much to offer anyone. I am so happy with my life and where I am today. So proud of my accomplishments, and so excited for the future. To have goals now in my life, and to have the will and want to do things that I always talked about doing. It really is an amazing feeling. Even the little things. Having the energy to so yard work, to want to be outside, taking my little girl to the park. These are things I always made excuses for. What is disappointing though, is how some individuals are perceiving things differently. (Hence the title of this blog). I guess because some people haven't been seeing me around as often as they did during filming, they have come to the conclusion that I have become a hermit again. Well, honestly, there is a difference between being a hermit and enjoying time by yourself, and with your family. My family means everything to me, and I am going to put their needs ahead of what others are "thinking". A year ago, spending time by myself was something I NEVER enjoyed doing. I take pride in my home and I take pride in myself. Far from what hermit Jamie was like =)
Up until a few weeks ago I was attending the weekly boot camps down here, led by the magnificent Laurie! I miss it so much, but with how I've been feeling during this pregnancy, Dr. says I need to cut it back to just walking. I have to say that was very hard. Some might think it's silly because I'm 26 weeks pregnant now and have a pretty good reason growing inside of me to take it easy. When you go from always pushing yourself and striving to be better physically, it's so hard to step back from that. Doing what's best for our little baby is what is important. This year I will not be able to participate in the 2nd annual hill climb here in Taylor. I will however be there cheering George on though. My personal best time up that hill was 6 min and 59 seconds. I will work on improving that Next summer.
So, I guess the point I am trying to make with this blog is, as long as you know you are doing what's best for you, take no notice of what others are saying or thinking. Have pride in yourself. If those you consider to be your friend only have negative things to say to you or about you, well, they weren't really your friend to start with. Surround yourself with positive people who aren't going to make you feel bad about yourself or what you are doing. What YOU think of yourself is what matters! =)
First off, I want to start off by talking about life. Where I am now, compared to where I was a year ago. This time last year, I had the pleasure of meeting some really important people. People who have impacted my life more then I think they realize. They have a very special place in my heart, and I love them dearly. I just want to say thank you, because even though it's been a year, you are all still having such a positive impact on my life. I will forever be great full.
I have recently started taking my little girl to pre-school. She loves it and actually cried today when it was time to go home. What is great for me though, is spending time talking to the other moms. That is something that I would never have felt comfortable doing before. For mothers day, we went to the Mothers day breakfast at the fire hall. I gotta say, not only can those fire fighters make an awesome calendar, they are also great cooks!! It was so nice to catch up with people. George is doing great with his cycling. I'm the timer for the Sunday races! Next year I'm going to join the bike club and participate in the duathlon! Ultimately I would love to do sprints, my swimming still needs work, so cycling and running will be a good start I think =)
So those of you who have watched Village on a diet know exactly where I was a year ago. I was a very sad individual, who really didn't think much of herself, or think that she really didn't have much to offer anyone. I am so happy with my life and where I am today. So proud of my accomplishments, and so excited for the future. To have goals now in my life, and to have the will and want to do things that I always talked about doing. It really is an amazing feeling. Even the little things. Having the energy to so yard work, to want to be outside, taking my little girl to the park. These are things I always made excuses for. What is disappointing though, is how some individuals are perceiving things differently. (Hence the title of this blog). I guess because some people haven't been seeing me around as often as they did during filming, they have come to the conclusion that I have become a hermit again. Well, honestly, there is a difference between being a hermit and enjoying time by yourself, and with your family. My family means everything to me, and I am going to put their needs ahead of what others are "thinking". A year ago, spending time by myself was something I NEVER enjoyed doing. I take pride in my home and I take pride in myself. Far from what hermit Jamie was like =)
Up until a few weeks ago I was attending the weekly boot camps down here, led by the magnificent Laurie! I miss it so much, but with how I've been feeling during this pregnancy, Dr. says I need to cut it back to just walking. I have to say that was very hard. Some might think it's silly because I'm 26 weeks pregnant now and have a pretty good reason growing inside of me to take it easy. When you go from always pushing yourself and striving to be better physically, it's so hard to step back from that. Doing what's best for our little baby is what is important. This year I will not be able to participate in the 2nd annual hill climb here in Taylor. I will however be there cheering George on though. My personal best time up that hill was 6 min and 59 seconds. I will work on improving that Next summer.
So, I guess the point I am trying to make with this blog is, as long as you know you are doing what's best for you, take no notice of what others are saying or thinking. Have pride in yourself. If those you consider to be your friend only have negative things to say to you or about you, well, they weren't really your friend to start with. Surround yourself with positive people who aren't going to make you feel bad about yourself or what you are doing. What YOU think of yourself is what matters! =)
Friday 1 April 2011
Being Selfish
Have you ever grown up thinking being selfish was a bad thing? I'm not saying that is how I was raised, but it's just something that I always believed. I always thought selfishness was getting what you wanted at others expense. I learned through my experience on VOAD, and my many chats with Adel , that there is actually a good way to be selfish!! Who knew right??
I think for a lot of people, it's hard to put themselves first. Others, I think, find it to easy lol. I'm mostly speaking about when it comes to changing your lifestyle. A lot of people use family as a reason to not get out and exercise. Maybe thinking that its selfish to want to do something for themselves. Well, that's how I used to think. I felt that being Mom meant it was my purpose to be there for my daughter always. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is first priority, but I used to think that I needed to be there constantly, even when George was around. You know what I mean?
I always thought that I was needed, couldn't do anything alone in-case I was missed. What it really comes down to is, you need to trust (especially if you have kids) that your spouse is going to have everything under control. It is OKAY for you to have time for yourself. To exercise, spend time with friends, what ever you want to do. I never used to do any of that. George would come home from work and not even need to ask how my day was because he knew exactly what I did. You do however, need to find a balance between what you are and aren't doing. In trying to find myself, it did get to the point where I was spending too much time away from my family. I feel like I have found balance now.
I LOVE going to Sunday boot-camps! That is me time, and I love it!!! Now that it's so nice out, I've actually started walking there again! Getting an extra 300 calories burned and feeling amazing in the process.
I just want to say one more thing. The people around you who care about you will understand the decisions you make. People who maybe you thought were your friends, wont, but that is their problem...not yours! We all make our own decisions, and until we are accountable and take responsibility for them we will never truly be happy.
I think for a lot of people, it's hard to put themselves first. Others, I think, find it to easy lol. I'm mostly speaking about when it comes to changing your lifestyle. A lot of people use family as a reason to not get out and exercise. Maybe thinking that its selfish to want to do something for themselves. Well, that's how I used to think. I felt that being Mom meant it was my purpose to be there for my daughter always. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is first priority, but I used to think that I needed to be there constantly, even when George was around. You know what I mean?
I always thought that I was needed, couldn't do anything alone in-case I was missed. What it really comes down to is, you need to trust (especially if you have kids) that your spouse is going to have everything under control. It is OKAY for you to have time for yourself. To exercise, spend time with friends, what ever you want to do. I never used to do any of that. George would come home from work and not even need to ask how my day was because he knew exactly what I did. You do however, need to find a balance between what you are and aren't doing. In trying to find myself, it did get to the point where I was spending too much time away from my family. I feel like I have found balance now.
I LOVE going to Sunday boot-camps! That is me time, and I love it!!! Now that it's so nice out, I've actually started walking there again! Getting an extra 300 calories burned and feeling amazing in the process.
I just want to say one more thing. The people around you who care about you will understand the decisions you make. People who maybe you thought were your friends, wont, but that is their problem...not yours! We all make our own decisions, and until we are accountable and take responsibility for them we will never truly be happy.
Tuesday 22 March 2011
First Blog EVER!!! Motivation!!
Okay, so I have decided to start blogging. Why? Well, I like to talk, and some people have told me that I have a lot to say lol. I guess I do, but whether or not it's anything of any substance....well...we will see =)
I ramble a lot. Seriously I do. It's almost as if my mouth is moving faster then my brain. Most times I forget where I was heading with my comment and slowly taper off and yeah, it's weird.
So, most people know me from Village on a Diet. I have to say most because my Facebook has gone from 280 to almost 550 and Twitter from 70 - 300!!! It's crazy and I really do appreciate all the support. I love hearing from everyone, but I find it so hard to write everyone back. That's another reason why I've decided to start blogging. Hopefully I will be able to answer questions and give support to those who need it.
This week (even though it's only Tuesday), I've been thinking a lot about motivation. Motivation is such an important word when it comes to wanting to change your life. A lot of people have a hard time to stay motivated. Before Village on a Diet started filming, I had lost 20 lbs in 5 months. My Motivation? Wanting to get a head start because I had a lot of weight to lose. My mom was the one who gave me the thought to start early actually. She said "James, you've got a long way to go, and starting early isn't going to hurt anything." She was right. Because for me, it wasn't about a TV show, it was about getting the help I needed to change my life and ultimately, save it.
After the show started filming, my next form of motivation was my wedding. My dress didn't fit, and I needed it to fit. I worked hard and threw all my excuses out the window. I can honestly say before Village on a Diet came, I didn't think I had so many issues with myself. I was always blaming everyone else for why I wasn't happy. It didn't occur to me that I didn't know how to be happy with just me. I actually had a lot of hatred for myself.
So after my wedding, what was there left to be my motivation? Well, I started making some realistic goals to keep me going. First one? I wanted to get out of the 200's. To get there, I was working out 6 days a week. Running the golf course, and timing myself, keeping track of my calories. All these little things would make me feel good if I had done better then I had the previous time. Sounds silly, but kept me from thinking about my long term goal and feeling disappointment if I wasn't reaching it as quickly as I felt I should be.
Wow, this blog is turning into a novel!! Is there a standard length?? lol okay, well I'm almost done.
So, as most of you know I am now pregnant with our second child. I guess my motivation now would be making sure I have a healthy pregnancy. But I don't really feel like that is motivation. I enjoy my healthy lifestyle now. I enjoy doing things that I was unable to find the joy in before. I enjoy not being held back by my own self doubt and lack of confidence. I enjoy not caring what other people think when they look at me because I know who I am and I am proud of it. Most of all, I enjoy being the wife I always wanted to be, and the Mom I always knew I could be. We all have it in us to be the person we want. If you are looking for your own motivation, sit down and really think about it. Write down on a piece of paper what you want out of life. Short term goals, long term goals and anything that you always wanted to do but never thought you could. Look at that list and know that it is all within your reach. Small steps and changes will get you to where you want to be. Sometimes, you just need to look at the world a little different.
I ramble a lot. Seriously I do. It's almost as if my mouth is moving faster then my brain. Most times I forget where I was heading with my comment and slowly taper off and yeah, it's weird.
So, most people know me from Village on a Diet. I have to say most because my Facebook has gone from 280 to almost 550 and Twitter from 70 - 300!!! It's crazy and I really do appreciate all the support. I love hearing from everyone, but I find it so hard to write everyone back. That's another reason why I've decided to start blogging. Hopefully I will be able to answer questions and give support to those who need it.
This week (even though it's only Tuesday), I've been thinking a lot about motivation. Motivation is such an important word when it comes to wanting to change your life. A lot of people have a hard time to stay motivated. Before Village on a Diet started filming, I had lost 20 lbs in 5 months. My Motivation? Wanting to get a head start because I had a lot of weight to lose. My mom was the one who gave me the thought to start early actually. She said "James, you've got a long way to go, and starting early isn't going to hurt anything." She was right. Because for me, it wasn't about a TV show, it was about getting the help I needed to change my life and ultimately, save it.
After the show started filming, my next form of motivation was my wedding. My dress didn't fit, and I needed it to fit. I worked hard and threw all my excuses out the window. I can honestly say before Village on a Diet came, I didn't think I had so many issues with myself. I was always blaming everyone else for why I wasn't happy. It didn't occur to me that I didn't know how to be happy with just me. I actually had a lot of hatred for myself.
So after my wedding, what was there left to be my motivation? Well, I started making some realistic goals to keep me going. First one? I wanted to get out of the 200's. To get there, I was working out 6 days a week. Running the golf course, and timing myself, keeping track of my calories. All these little things would make me feel good if I had done better then I had the previous time. Sounds silly, but kept me from thinking about my long term goal and feeling disappointment if I wasn't reaching it as quickly as I felt I should be.
Wow, this blog is turning into a novel!! Is there a standard length?? lol okay, well I'm almost done.
So, as most of you know I am now pregnant with our second child. I guess my motivation now would be making sure I have a healthy pregnancy. But I don't really feel like that is motivation. I enjoy my healthy lifestyle now. I enjoy doing things that I was unable to find the joy in before. I enjoy not being held back by my own self doubt and lack of confidence. I enjoy not caring what other people think when they look at me because I know who I am and I am proud of it. Most of all, I enjoy being the wife I always wanted to be, and the Mom I always knew I could be. We all have it in us to be the person we want. If you are looking for your own motivation, sit down and really think about it. Write down on a piece of paper what you want out of life. Short term goals, long term goals and anything that you always wanted to do but never thought you could. Look at that list and know that it is all within your reach. Small steps and changes will get you to where you want to be. Sometimes, you just need to look at the world a little different.
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